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Bad guy from one of the Indiana Jones movies. He --

[well, it's not ultimately that important, is it? he lets it go, then, on another heavy breath out and with a shake of his head. another pause follows before he reaches to pull the neck of his shirt down. Lucifer brought them all back, sure, but they still all bear the scars of their deaths. there's a crater the size of a fist over his heart, now -- like a bullet scar, worse]

I stayed behind. It didn't go too well.

Edited (html fail.) 2021-04-26 20:48 (UTC)

( Her brow furrows, as she turns, one hand on the railing. Resurrection magic, it always brings with it scars of some sort. Be it magical, physical, or mental. She knows what it takes. That Lucifer brought everyone back, it couldn't be without side effects not in this number. )

Nate...

[he drops his hand away from his shirt, collar snapping back against his neck]

I thought -- I don't know. I thought this was right up my alley, maybe? I mean, hey -- not the first time I've fought a demon army. [kind of. honestly, it's debatable as to whether that was actually happening or if he hallucinated the whole thing, but still. he has fought ghouls and yetis. he knows that mostly everything will die if you shoot it enough times] But they just kept coming.

[and while they'd been handing out ammo like candy on Halloween, before the battle had started, he'd run out at some point. he'd gotten tired, using the stock of his rifle like a club, after. and then -- ]

[he turns, too, then, leaning back out over the railing, feeling all at once nauseated as the memory of the taste of his own blood in his mouth creeps up on him along with very real bile]

( she hesitates, fingers stretching out before she decides to make contact, slowly rubbing his back with her right hand. )

We couldn't know how many demons were under Barbas' control, or what would be awaiting us with rebellion.

( he wanted to do something. he'd wanted to help. she can fully understand that. there was a time when she didn't want to just be the blonde distraction. when she lived on the outskirts of everything having to do with Elena. but, she'd come into her own.

she was also a vampire.

she stays leaned to her side, hand making slow circles, here to listen when she hasn't been. )

[he exhales a laugh, the sound entirely without humor, but doesn't pull away from her touch] Except we knew exactly how many demons he had under his control. Guy made a point of shoving it down our throats at every opportunity.

[thirty-six legions and all]

Not that I'm saying I regret it, necessarily -- I couldn't just sit around and do nothing, you know? -- I just ... [he shakes his head. he doesn't know. he doesn't know where he's going with that. he just knows that he's not okay. this is only the second time he's had to die. (he's still convinced he died to get here, even if he doesn't buy this is really Hell-Hell, anymore.) this is only the first death he remembers]

( he's right. and all thirty-six were at the ready and in Hell when he needed them. )

You can, Nate. You can regret it. But, you can't undo it. You can't go back. You stepped up. And it wasn't enough. But, you're here now. You're alive.

( Again. )

I'm here.

[okay, maybe he does regret it -- maybe just a little. he's not going to admit that out loud, however, because for all that it cost him his life and terribly, he's still ashamed to admit to that regret]

Yeah.

[a beat]

Yeah, well. [he really doesn't want to do that again. ever] I appreciate it. [and her touch, at least, has helped quell the little demon-shaped butterflies in his stomach]

( he doesn't have to be. but he also can be ashamed. )

Nate, you can be be what ever you want to be. Regretful. Sad. Five bottles in. As long as you remember you're not alone. Literally. We're all on this boat. But, also, figuratively. Because, you aren't.

[he's silent for a moment, before softly, almost hysterically:] I really don't wanna be alone.

[and he knows she said he wasn't, but -- stay, Caroline. please stay. he needs someone, right now. he's not handling any of this well, at all, and he needs someone]

( He won't be. But, she doesn't say that, she only turns him around so she can properly embrace him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling Nate close. She's not going anywhere. She is standing right here. They... will take care of these bottles eventually, that's the anal side to her that speaks up when one of her feet knocks against one. But, comforting Nate is more important. )

[the will take care of those bottles eventually. for now, he just drops his head into her shoulder, eyes stinging as they slide closed. he's not going to cry. men don't cry. he's just going to hold her -- or be held, maybe -- until he can get his shit together. it may be a minute]

( he could cry. men can definitely cry. if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. there are no requirements to this shoulder he's leaning on. )

[nope, toxic masculinity strikes again]

[that in mind, after sometime and without crying, he finally starts to pull away] Okay. [a beat] Okay, uh. I'm good, I think. [not that he's pulled away more than not burying his face in her shoulder]

Okay.

( She stops the circular motion of her hand as he leans back. )

That's here any time you need it.

[he lets out a shuddering sigh of a breath, when she stops rubbing his back] Yeah, I -- yeah, I might take you up on that, sometime. [because he's still not okay, even if he's got his shit together again, for the moment]

Well. That's the good thing about sometime. That ambiguity works in everybody's favor.

( AKA, she's not about to push. )

Some days it doesn't feel like it, but it is going to be okay.

Yeah.

[he wishes he believed that, right now. he's also not about to argue, however. he doesn't really have the energy for it, the heart. maybe later. maybe later he'll feel better]

Yeah. Anyway, uh. You wanna -- I think I wanna go inside.

[she's welcome to join him? at least he's not going to be drinking anymore?]

Yeah. Sure. Let's go inside. I will let a demon inside know there's a cleanup on deck 11.

( She rests a hand on his lower back as she accompanies him back inside. )

Great.

[and arm still around her, he'll half-lead, half-let himself be guided back inside]

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/scene?